How many times have you heard someone say they bought themselves a certain item because they “deserved it?” How often have you said it yourself?
It’s called “entitlement.” In its most innocent form, it’s the inspiration for occasional things we bestow upon ourselves to reward our accomplishments: the designer purse, the top-notch golf clubs, that rich dessert. At its worst, entitlement becomes demanding. You deserve something simply on the basis of being YOU, not because of anything you’ve earned.
Entitlement is a relatively new phenomena, a by-product of a capitalist society. Our parents never experienced it at all. To them, the only things one could “deserve” in life were punishments brought on by bad decisions; or high marks resulting from good study habits.
Books like “The Secret” promote the philosophy, but the simplicity of the thinking behind “entitlement” scares me. In some ways it infuriates me. It suggests that there is a magic formula to achieving whatever you want, to living the perfect life you want. Let me tell you that the formula is not foolproof, that you can only plan so much in your life; and no matter how deserving you feel, you may not get everything you want. Or, you may acquire them, and lose them in the blink of an eye. You may get knocked clear on your ass, with no hand reaching out to help you up. That, my dear readers, is the way life often plays out.
I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I guess I’m coming from a bitter place right now. I am disillusioned with those who think they’ve discovered the secret to getting all they deserve and look with scorn at those who haven’t managed the same lifestyle. They imply that others have only failed because they didn’t do enough to “deserve it.”
Once, feeling we “deserved it” was the rationale for a lot of the purchases we made. We deserved them because we worked hard. But financial experts warn that that kind of thinking can lead to problems, and it’s a big part of why we’re in the mess we’re in.
Seriously, should “deserving” even be part of the equation? Do the people born in third world countries deserve to live a life of starvation and sickness? Do children serving in armies deserve to have their innocence robbed from them? Does one person deserve a quick, painless death, while someone else deserves to be systematically tortured, dying piece by piece, hour by hour?
There are certain things everyone deserves. We deserve the love of a spouse and a few good friends. We deserve the right to work, to be paid fairly, and to be able to use those earnings to better our lives. But there are people in countries who work 80 hours a week, just to earn money for the bare necessities. Is that all they deserve?
Life is not simply input equals output. It’s also about luck. Sometimes, it’s about being positioned in the right place. You have to know that somewhere, there’s a big roulette wheel spinning, and wherever we land, that’s our fate. We can have a long run of good luck, and then a sudden drop of bad fortune that we can’t recover from. It’s undeniably there, waiting to knock the wind out of our sails whenever we dare to say “I DESERVE THIS.”
FOOTNOTE I woke up this morning to a comment from Bob Doe (see below), and I realized that the way this blog came across may have offended a lot of people. That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize. Please read my response to Bob for a further explanation.
Some people do work hard and “deserve” the fruits of their labour. There’s nothing wrong with “treating yourself” when you do so within your economic means; experts actually recommend it. Some people do bad things and “deserve” punishment. And to be fair what you consider to be a sense of entitlement is just as prevalent among the old as it is the young…where do you think they learn it? You admit to the same sense of entitlement yet decide that this young man doesn’t “deserve” his purchase. Who are you to determine what everyone deserves and whether they appreciate it? Judge not lest ye be judged.
Hi Bob,
I read your response this morning and was mortified. Thank you for writing and giving me a chance to explain more clearly.
I wasn’t suggesting that people should never reward themselves, nor that they haven’t earned those rewards. And yes, I completely agree that doing things for yourself is a healthy, normal thing to do. Working hard, without any personal reward, makes no sense at all.
The word “deserve,” brings a lot of other connotations with it. It is the belief that by doing certain things right, you deserve all the right results, and that is what you will receive. I wanted to point out that sometimes, outside circumstances (which I put under the umbrella of “luck, good or bad), step in and change everything. “Deserve” falls out of the equation a lot of the time.
As I said in my first paragraph, entitlement is really the heart of what I’m talking about. It disturbs me in many ways. First, it goes beyond the idea of earning a just reward for your efforts. Entitlement says “I deserve these things because I am ME.” And my problem with that kind of thinking is that if it is to be true, it applies to all people worldwide. People in third world countries are entitled to as much as we are. Does someone working hard in North America deserve more than someone working hard in a third world country? Does someone who comes from a family that encouraged education deserve more than someone who was abanadoned and grew up on the streets?
Second, by elevating material things to the level of basic human rights, entitlement can cause dissatisfaction if those goals aren’t met.
Third, sociologists believe the the growing sense of entitlement, especially in our youth, causes a lessening of values and with that, an increase in crime.
I do relate. Certainly, at the end of a hard week’s teaching, I always felt I’d earned my wages and deserved a reward. We are trained to think that way.
You have presented your voice amongst a postmodern discourse. So too Bob Doe. No need for apologies as in a postmodern paradigm, all thoughtful voices are considered when arriving at what are, in the end, only approximations of TRUTH (whatever that is). The modern era had limitations and claims to one objective TRUTH. This staunch paradigm lingers.
SEE THIS FROM WIKIPEDIA: Postmodernist theorists were interested in examining the variety of experience of individuals and groups and emphasized differences over similarities and common experiences.[4]
In contrast to modern theory, postmodern theory is more fluid and allows for individual differences as it rejected the notion of social laws. Postmodern theorists shifted away from truth seeking and instead sought answers for how truths are produced and sustained. Postmodernists contended that truth and knowledge is plural, contextual, and historically produced through discourses. Postmodern researchers therefore embarked on analyzing discourses such as texts, language, policies and practices.[4]
So in a postmodern word, write on, Linda. Your voice needs to be heard. If you feel the need, apologize to those who have taken offense but let no one silence you from airing your unique experiences that really do in the end have universal meaning for many.
Thank you for your input Margie. You have explained exactly the perspective I was writing from. Unfortunately, by including some personal information, I muddied the waters a little and made a few people feel that they were under attack. It’s not at all what I intended.
Journalists rarely apologize to those readers they may have offended, but my circle of readers is smaller – hence my regret.
Dear Linda,
Others may not agree with you – but I do…. I find that people treat God / Universe / word of choice as if this creative force behind our lives is “Santa Claus”. It is true that you can do everything right – and not succeed. It is also true that you can do everything wrong – and get things dropped in your lap. I think this is a mystery about life.
There is a fine line between praying with faith and leaving the rest up to “God” and blaming the victim. I think it is too easy to blame the victim of truly bad circumstances.
We cannot lose our sense of compassion, no matter our own circumstances.
I agree Monique. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.