I’ve had a difficult time organizing my thoughts and getting them down on paper lately. It’s a problem I really didn’t expect. For the past couple of years, worry over finances and unemployment have dominated my life and sapped any creativity, but I honestly believed the words would just flow once life got easier. And it has. So what’s gone wrong?
The only explanation I can think of is that after feeling detached for so long, I’m transitioned into a phase that is very much the opposite. And it’s overwhelming. It sounds hokey, but everything seems intensified. Colours are brighter, the wind in the trees more soothing. I am mesmerized by the simplest of things, lifted up almost. And somehow, through it all, I find myself tongue-tied, unable to sift through the thousands of thoughts in my head and come up with one cohesive piece of writing.
Hamilton itself is a new experience in every way, more complex than anyhere I’ve ever lived. I never anticipated seeing squalor and hardship juxtaposed by beauty and prosperity. How could I know that a short walk to a wonderful park, the pride of the city, would take me past men and women so obviously sick and in need of help – not homeless, but desperately poor nonetheless? And what of the people who’ve lived here for decades? Have they grown accustomed to the pockets of poverty around them? Is that even possible?
Yes, it is a city of extremes. But the gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” seems more due to circumstance than choice. My husband and I have just come through a huge financial upheaval ourselves, but we have renewed hope: a wonderful home, a new job, a true fresh start. It could have been very different. That middle-aged woman I see with the grey unkempt hair, the ratty sweater, the worn pink sweat pants? That could have been me.
Those are the thoughts that spin through my head. It makes me even more aware of our good fortune, but also makes me wonder about the stories of the people I pass each day. They were once precious babies. What could have happened to take them to where they are today? And why them, and not me?
And now I see I have finally written.
ROADBLOCKS, DETOURS and ROUNDABOUTS 
this is why you have come through what you have and now see what you do, that layer of insight so many others are missing. (what a gift for a writer and a human being! ) you have another set of textures, and layers, and awareness to add to your stories. it could make a beautiful novel.
ps. volunteer at a local service group addressing the need you see. it will help with both the overwhelmingness and the stories
Thank you Michelle. I knew there had to be a reason. lol
Seriously though, I agree with you. I also think it would make a good novel, and I`m seriously looking at volunteer opportunities in the city. There are a lot of organizations here and I`m sure they could use more help.
lovely linda. your voice is back!!! jeannie
Thank-you Jeannie. Slowly but surely.